Extreme Mothering

In celebration of the 100th Anniversary of Mother’s Day, I’m gathering examples of excessive, embarrassing parenting that nonetheless demonstrate our DEVOTION. Where have you gone over the cliff with your kids?

Here’s where I’ve swerved off the road:

In carrying my 10-year-old: “Carry Me downstairs, ” he begs. I oblige, down to breakfast, teetering on the landing, almost dropping him. He won’t be asking for encores anytime soon.

In carrying concealed weapons: I pocket a knife, at all times, on the ready to peel apples for the spoiled six-year-old.

In providing 4 spoons at mealtime: because it’s germy to eat breakfast with any fewer.

In lugging 8 shopping bags of kiddie yogurts and apples on sale 10 blocks home from the C-town.

In sticking synthetic hairballs to the sides of my head and trick-or-treating as Princess Leia with midget Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker.

In cutting up scrambled eggs for the six-year-old:

“Mommy you didn’t cut up my scrambled egg!”

“Use the side of your fork, sweetheart.”

“NO! YOU do it! “

and I do.. sigh..

Where have you gone to extremes in loving your kids?

• Do you cut the crusts off sandwiches?

• Do you tie shoe laces other than your own?  

• Do you rush to the ER for a bad cold?

To all you moms who are public embarrassments to your children, who are still doing for them what they should be doing for themselves, give yourself a hug this Mother’s Day. Give your own mom a hug. Get a hug from your kids, if you can, in private if that’s the only way they’re willing.